Omniprescent Oscar

What can I possibly do to be more girly right now – I’m putting together this Oscar post while Sex and the City is on the in background, and I’m sipping a tea while eating chocolate chip cookies. All I need are the quintessential curlers in my hair, an avocado mask on my face, and toe separators securely in place while my nail polish dries.

Let’s just cut right to it. Dresses, dresses, dresses!!!

I’m sure everyone has seen Mila Kunis’ Elie Saab by now. It’s my favourite of the night! The draping is perfect, and the dress is demure, yet sexy, and the delicate scalloping around the bust is so come-hither. I love it!

Wow – what a transformation from the beat-up and bloody girl from Winter’s Bone! Jennifer Lawrence looks smokin’, yo! Her Calvin Klein dress is so simple, but she looks like a complete bombshell. (Question: How do celebrities wear necklines like this, but their breasts still look springy, not saggy and deflated?) I also thought it was funny when on the red carpet, Lawrence said, “I’m here to have fun, and lose!” Haha!

And she does it again. Natalie Portman looks radiant in her Rodarte dress. What else can I say, really? She never fails! (I also love her tassel earrings, and how they contrast with the texture of her beaded neckline.)

I have to agree with ABC’s red-carpet commentator, Randolph Duke, who said Hailee Steinfeld was wearing something completely age-appropriate. I think she’s only 14, and the sheer overlay that covers her upper chest is a classy touch. In her Marchesa, she’s a ballerina from a jewelry box – so lovely and cute! Pretty sure I couldn’t have walked in those shoes when I was 14, though. Yowza!

Ah, the many looks of Anne Hathaway. I’ll pass on the red Valentino – not a fan of the poufy side-gathering; I’m loving the cream Givenchy Haute Couture gown, though – wouldn’t my red hair suit it well? Haha! In look number three, Hathaway looks super-cute in her Lanvin tuxedo, but her song was annoying. I don’t like her fourth look because of the way the overlay stops at knee-level (I don’t think it would look that great extended, either, so I suppose I’m OWT on this one).

Ah, my favourite dress of Miss. Hathaway’s! The spectacular fringed and sparkly number on the far left is by Oscar de la Renta, and I want it (Hathaway also looked beautiful – I thought her hairstyle was fantastic paired with this dress)! The sixth look is an Atelier Versace that I’m oatmealing out on; and her seventh dress was an Armani Prive that me no likey. Number eight, the final look, was Tom Ford, but too severe for my tastes.

Sandra Bullock wore Vera Wang last night, and hers is a look I’m on the fence about. Like? Not like? Mehhhh. What I did find agreeable was her comment to Javier Bardem that he scared America…with a bad haircut (No Country for Old Men reference). Haha!

I didn’t exactly love Amy Adams’ L’Wren Scott (and I didn’t think the green jewels matched), but come on – how gorgeous is she?! During the show, when the camera panned to Adams, her makeup looked flawless. Girl crush!

Attack of the green jewelery! Reese Witherspoon accented her Armani Prive gown with this year’s ubiquitous emerald-coloured baubles. (Did anyone else notice this?) As for her actual dress, another meh. It’s hard not to do a double-take, though – she’s so glamorous!

I love the colour of Scarlett Johansson’s Dolce & Gabbana dress, but I’m not loving the patchy lace and the flowers. I have to admit that she looks stunning, though! Her hair and makeup look wonderful!

All right, on to my least-favourites. What is going on with Jennifer Hudson’s cleavage? I think her bust size is too small for this amped-up look. Jennifer should have said no to this Atelier Versace. (I can’t get this picture to centre, for some reason!)

Too much tulle! Tulle overload! It looks like it got caught on the train of Halle Berry’s Marchesa. No, no, no.

Nicole Kidman’s makeup and face looked lovely (she didn’t seem as “tight” as usual), but her Christian Dior was a downer for me. She said she loved the structure, but that’s exactly what I dislike about it!

I thought I liked Gwyneth Paltrow’s Calvin Klein dress when I first saw it, but after studying it a bit more, I changed my mind. I don’t like the horizontal band of fabric along the bottom, or the drop-waist, and the neckline is too boxy, from shoulders to cleavage.

Just like we can count on Natalie Portman for class, we can count on Helena Bonham Carter for kook. What is happening with this Colleen Atwood disaster? Not to mention the ode to Britain…

What the f$&k is up with her f$%@&!g square-shouldered f$%@&!g dress underlaid with gold f$%@&!g tinfoil? If you watched the show last night, you’ll know that isn’t gratuitous swearing. I’m sorry to point out the joke, but I can’t have my sterling reputation damaged!

Tim Gunn was raving over Marisa Tomei’s Charles James dress, but I thought the neckline was ill-fitting in proportion to where her breasts are, and the split in the dress’ fabric and tulle didn’t flow together. But what do I know when up against the likes of Tim Gunn?!

The varied structure of Busy Philipps’ Douglas Hannant dress is not pleasing to my eyes – especially the square-shaped hip panel!

Look! It’s Cruella DeVil! (Otherwise known as Sharon Stone wearing Christian Dior.)

That would normally be the end of my review, but I found these heinous pictures of after-party looks at the Vanity Fair gala, and I just had to share. What was happening here?!?

Sophia Vergara.

Madonna.

Jessica Szohr.

Seriously? Music and TV was not representing last night! And in front of Vanity Fair herself? For shame! What did you think of the Oscar looks of 2011? One of my favourite things about Oscar night is studying what the actresses look like in comparison to the roles they played in their nominated movies. I think the biggest transformation was Melissa Leo from the mom in The Fighter, to the pretty woman who walked the red carpet. And, speaking of the films, I actually did pretty well in getting through the nominee list – I watched The Fighter, Winter’s Bone, The King’s Speech, Rabbit Hole, Blue Valentine, The Social Network, Black Swan, The Kids Are All Right, How to Train Your Dragon, and Inception. My favourites were The Kids are All Right and Rabbit Hole, and my hands-down least-favourite was Blue Valentine. How did your viewing go?

And, just before I sign off for tonight, I have to repeat one of my favourite quotes from the 2011 Oscars. It came from host James Franco after a segment about the winners of the Science & Technology awards – “All right, congratulations, nerds.”

*The pictures above are from usweekly.com, fashionist.ca, catwalkqueen.tv, and nydailynews.com.*

3 thoughts on “Omniprescent Oscar

  1. Oh man what was Madonna thinking? Your aren’t 20 anymore and you are a mama….

    Anywho, I have to say I slightly disagree with some of your dislikes!

    I LOVED Marissa Tomei’s dress, although I think I loved the color of it more than anything. I also didn’t really like it out on the red carpet, but when she presented I thought it looked very lovely on stage.

    I also really liked Gwyneth’s dress. I was the opposite of you… I didn’t really like it at first, but the more I looked at it the more I liked it.

    I actually hated Jennifer Lawrence’s dress. It reminded me of the Baywatch bathing suits…

    I agree with everything else though haha.

    I was actually really surprised to hear people dissing Scarlett’s hair today on the talk shows… I thought her hair and makeup were so pretty!!

    Jennifer Hudson on the other hand… aside from her weirdo cleavage and dress, did you see her makeup?? I have never seen makeup so thick in my life.

    Mila and Natalie Portman were my two fav looks though, by far. Man I wish I looked like Natalie when I was preggo… Chris even said he thought she was the hottest one there “even though she is about to pop”.

    Anne Hathaway’s turtleneck dress freaked me out. I actually didn’t mind the rest of the dresses she wore… but when she came out in that one, I let out a little gasp (and did you notice the weird circling going on in the boob area??).

    Lastly, Helena Bonham Carter gives me nightmares. Last night was no exception.

  2. I applaud you for making it through the entire Oscars show, red carpet and all! I only caught a portion of it, but what I saw was cringeworthy. (Was it just me, or was Anne Hathaway trying too hard to be funny and entertaining?)

    It’s funny, the ONLY nominated movie I saw was True Grit… which was glaringly absent from your list, haha. I loved it, and I recommend you and Darcy see it. (Check out the trailor on YouTube… do it!) The only downside is that there were no noteworthy fashions in that film, so I can see how it may not have been at the top of your list. Having said that, though, I was really rooting for it to win at least one Oscar, namely for Hailee Steinfeld.

    Speaking of which, I totally agree that her outfit was refreshingly age-appropriate. It’s nice to see a 14-year-old actually looking her age. (But those heels! I still wouldn’t be able to pull those off…..)

    Here are some other random thoughts I’ve had:

    * I really liked the colour of Mila Kunis’ gown.

    * I think I’m in the minority when I say I actually liked Jennifer Hudson’s gown, especially the colour on her. Sure, the cleavage thing was odd, but overall I think the outfit showed off her rockin’ new curves.

    * RE: Helena Bonham Carter….. why would someone with so much natural beauty continually go out of her way to look like a kook (as you suggested)? Oh, those wacky Brits.

    * There’s a fine line between sexy and sleazy…. and Madonna crossed it. She’s got a great body, but that outfit didn’t do her any favours.

    * I actually didn’t mind Gwyneth Paltrow’s outfit! I’m indifferent about the bottom half…. but I do really like the boxiness of the top half. Interesting.

    * Halle Berry might as well have just worn a wedding gown, as that’s what her outfit reminds me of.

    * Jennifer Lawrence = formal Baywatch bathing suit. I totally agree with Ami on this one, and I just can’t get Pam Anderson’s assets out of my head now!

  3. Haha – the comments are so long in this post! I like it!! Ami, I didn’t notice Jennifer Hudson’s makeup, but now I’ll have to go and seek out a close-up for inspection. I also didn’t notice the weird circling on Anne’s turtleneck dress, but I will look again to confirm the ugliness!

    Joanne, it’s funny that you and Ami both thought of Baywatch when looking at Jennifer Lawrence’s dress. During the pre-show, Randolph Duke described her neckline as bathing-suit style, but he had some high-fashion word for it that I don’t remember. Baywatch or not, though, I liked it! Pretty sure I would have to wear a different bra, though! Haha.

    And yes, why, Madonna, why?!

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